So...yeah...clearly this isn't invite only.
I've decided that I should just take this as a lesson in being careful about what I share until I have a thicker skin.
I do want to share that first part of the story.
Because it does matter. Birth matters....like CJane said.
Our stories are a lot alike. Our birth histories.
And God used her story to give me the courage to lean on him...wait on him....wait for an answer.
It just didn't turn out the way I thought it would.
And that's ok.
Everyone is right.
A breathing, beautiful baby....that is what really matters. That is what I really wanted out of this.
But it also doesn't mean that the anxiety I have, examining what happened, grieving the vision we had, and aching for what I thought could have been....isn't legitimate.
If nothing else, I believe this whole things has made me less judgemental.
See, I remember when I passed judgement about people who have made the same kind of decision that we did.
What I didn't realize is that there might have been all sorts of history, all sorts of back story, that made their choice not just more romantic....but more safe.
While we will never personally know the outcome ( this is the way of socialized medicine), there has been an inquest made into how and why my baby's arm was snapped in half at birth. Such an unusual birth injury...that they counseled us for a genetic disorder causing brittle bones.
So.....I the funny thing is, that people judged me over, I know I was right. My baby really was safer being born at home. Should that be the case? Absolutely not.
But maybe instead of jumping on others for decisions that we see as reckless, we should examine what would lead a person to such a thing. Acknowledge it...and fix it.
So for now, the moral of this story is that maybe we had to walk through what we did to ensure that births in military hospitals ( America's socialized medicine) will be safer for moms and babies.
And the moral of this story is that everything we ever do or say will be judged by someone...and that shouldn't make us afraid to share...because maybe sharing, like Cjane did, is what will help them realize that the real problem isn't that which they are judging, but the system that brought a person to that point.*
So someday...when I have the skin, I will share that part of the story. I will share the why and the how behind it all, and maybe....maybe it will inspire someone like I was inspired; to follow your intuition, the leading of the Holy Spirit.