Friday, June 1, 2012

Sweet Seahorse

You're sitting up, draped over my hand...sleeping so peacefully. This peace is so dear to my heart, having watched you seem so anxious and pained your first weeks.

You have been here for four whole weeks now,but I feel as though I am just getting to know you. You were shut off from us, closed into yourself. I've been told that all newborns are just like that at birth,but I've been through this a few times now,and Mama knew there was something different.

That sense of knowing brought us to the discovery of your broken arm,and it helped us to make sense of that sense that you weren't all the way here with us, even though your sweet little body was. You must have shut yourself up inside somewhere, as a way to deal with the pain. It must have been terrible, sweet Boy.

Mama is so, so sorry for that.

I just can't imagine,what that felt like for you- Being rushed out into this world, with intense pain. What a frightful way to begin your earthly life.

So someday, when you decide to smile at us Little Boy it will mean a little bit more. Just as it does when we watch you raise your hand up by your head.

It is such a typical newborn pose,with little fists posed on either side of that downy, little head.....but to us it feels like we should take a picture every single time.

See, they told us that you might never be able to do that; that the whole process that got you here might have hurt your little body so badly it might never work, despite how perfectly God had formed you inside of me.

And we were okay with that, if that was the plan that would bring glory to our God.

Because we know that he is great. We know that a tiny boy's paralyzed,broken arm is no problem for him.

And fellow, he has decided to show his glory by healing you. Of course, there are still milestones to go, x-rays and MRIs to be had, but darling boy,

Mama can see now.

I can see that the precious gift of knowing how dear you are to God, that in all the world, he knew you and your little arm, and ...

He took the time to make you part of his big, glorious plan......that is so much more, so much greater than the hurt you had to go through to make it possible.

Thank you Baby. Mama needed this lesson too. Sometimes the pain is is a neccessary part of getting to the beauty in God's great plans for us.

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