Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Does Motherhood undermine me? What about you?

Katie Allison Granju, often referred to as one of the pillars of modern attachment parenting, wrote this post in response to another book that states that modern motherhood undermines women.

By modern motherhood, the original author, Elizabeth Badinter, apparently means of the attachment parenting variety.
Now, while I don't think of myself as an attachment parent, Badinter's clever title, ecological parent, does feel a bit more accurate. See, I don't believe in following any particular parenting philosophy, other than the Bible.
Our God created our bodies with certain purposes, rates of development, and natural processes. I like to pay attention to those things, to the elements he put around us in the world for caring for ourselves, and his idea of discipline ( as outlined in the Bible and in his own dealings with us). That later point is where I am most likely distinctively not an attachment parent.

However, Granju and I actually do differ on parenting, she does a wonderful job defending our position. Her article is worth reading.

One of the biggest issues for me is that modern "feminism" makes the assumption that we become mothers only as a secondary choice to being what we really want to be. The problem with that is that with modern feminism we were told that we were not only equal to men, but essentially the same as men. Equal and same really aren't the same thing. Two things can have equal value without being the exact two same things, with the same functions. Anyhow, now that we are equal to men ( and Biblically, we always long as you read what God planned, not what humans messed up)....we are essentially less as women.

Once upon a time, it was enough for a little girl to want to grow up to be a Mama. Go into a public school and ask a classroom full of children and see if any little girl would answer " what do you want to be when you grow up?" with " Mom, Mommy, Mama, etc." If she did, she would likely be asked " yes, but what else...what job do you want to do?"

One upon a time, if a girl wanted to be a mother, it really was seen as the highest of callings- that wasn't just a sentiment for Mother Day advertisements....

My Honey relayed a conversation he overheard at work yesterday. It made me feel dirty and ill for the rest of the evening. Two men in his office, one of  whom we like and respect, were talking about the new body parts they would love to get for their wives. Not things their wives had asked for....but things that would improve their own attraction to their wives...if you get my drift.
My husband turned around to look at them, apparently with a look of disgust on his face, and our his friend responded with something to the affect of " I know, I know...your marriage is perfect and happy and you will grow old together....but some of us need more."

Some of us need more ? Once upon a time, being the mother of his children was enough to make a woman invaluably beautiful to a man. Regardless of all of the temptations of men's flesh, the mother of his children was upon a pedestal- the source of his legacy. Today...well, the kids are cute...but I would really like it if on top of that she brought home a good salary, so we can have that second brand new car...and she had Victoria's Secret style breasts. Forget what those breasts were actually made for....
I felt ill all evening about those comments, not because my husband made them....but they made me feel as ugly and unwanted as they probably would have made those wives feel. To think that they gave their bodies totally to their husbands, to create healthy children for them....and all Hubby could think of was how it's just not good enough anymore. It belittles all of us.

 It's no longer good enough to be a mother, so we are no longer smart enough, no longer pretty enough, no longer capable enough.... if we choose to be mothers.

If we choose to be mothers, the modern mentality tells us that we will also have to be so much more...and even then, that won't even be enough.

So no, modern motherhood doesn't undermine women...the modern, unbiblical mentality surrounding us does.

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