In all honesty, I started neglecting the blog because I felt like journaling was a time luxury that I couldn't afford. After the whirlwind of this last year though, I feel that it is is something I cannot afford to neglect. The little SoulFulls are growing up so fast, and there is so much about it all that I want to remember. I want a place to write down the funny little things that they say and do, our learning triumphs and tribulations, and our increasing faith.
In watching our faith grow, it was also amazingly rewarded this year. I had previously written ( and possibly deleted...?) posts about how much I longed for more children, how I struggled with ugly bitterness because of it, and how I was trying to give it over to the Lord and accept that he would make me content, one way or the other. It was freeing. I stopped worrying about it and just embraced the idea that he would make me content- so long as I decided to be content with His will, and not what I thought his will should be.
Little did I know, he was working on my husband's heart too. As much as he loves his children, he certainly never longed for them. he went a long with each pregnancy and loved each baby, but he had no desire, whatesoever to have any more of them. I couldn't help but take it as a judgement against my mother. Maybe, just maybe, if I was a good enough wife and mother, well he might see having more children as more of a blessing, less of a burden, and actually want to welcome more of them into the family.
apparently, Mr. soulfull had been praying too, and while I was feeling contentedness take over, he was beginning to feel that longing- that appreciation for what it could mean to bring more life into this house and world.
Lo and behold, an almost medically impossible answer to prayer. I won't go into the details too much, but I had been struggling with some health issues that made this pregnancy quite a miracle. Despite this being my fourth, there have been so many surprises. It is making me realize that my first three pregnancies were much more alike than different.
The other big news is that I finally finished my degree, and while there are many lessons to be shared there, I will leave it right now to say that I am glad it is over. I am grateful to be home raising and schooling my own children with a new confidence and conviction.
Baby Soulfull is set to arrive May 17th.