On being Mama

I love this piece.

Miss Amy, I could just kiss you, because...yes, yes, yes.

She talks about how those who didn't feel the call of domesticity felt vindicated during these upswell of the feminist movement.

And I feel the brunt of that so often.
I feel the judgement of those who can't understand how I would give up academia for this.
Give up the opportunity to earn my own living- out earn my own husband, for this.

They may not understand what it feels like, to have grown up being taught to crave their version, but in that....only missing this version.

Parents as Teachers

While he wasn't homeschooling his daughter in the sense we typically refer to, this Dad showed the country that kids taught by thei parents can outshine thier public and private school peers.

and she doesn't forget to give her Daddy the kuddos either....Sign me up !

Birthday girls

I had sisters. I always imagined having little girls....down to the finest details of how they would have coordinating quilts in their shared bedroom. I imagined their names.

Of course, by the time I did have daughters (plural), my tastes had changed...not so much Country chic and Top of the Pops....but Miss Fi does love to hear about how they ( she and the BumbleTot) were my dreams come true...how when I was a little girl, their names were Zoe and McKenzie.

They really are my dreams come true. All four of them, not just the sisters SoulFull. Each one. Someone I always wanted, always tried to imagine, and at some point thought I might never meet.


Miss Fi's accident happened when I was 10 weeks pregnant with the BumbleTot. No one knew yet, save The Mister and me.

But once everyone did, some were very vocal about how they hoped this new baby, The Dragon Baby, would be a boy....they were afraid that having a sister, a sister that didn't have a disfigurement, would make things even harder for Miss Fi.

Their being scared, made me scared.

And suddenly, though I had always imagined raising sisters....I was hoping that the Dragon Baby would be a boy too.

She wasn't. obviously.
and Praise God.

Goes to show what we people think we know.

My daughter needed a sister.
Having a sister, becoming a sister...it has brought out so much in her. She has become kind and outgoing, in ways that the Pre-BumbleTot Miss Fi could never have been mistaken to be.

Their birthdays fall only 5 weeks apart, just days before my own. What a special thing to share
 with my two little ladies.

They look so much like sisters, and they act so much like sisters. It doesn't mean that they aren't also different as night and day. By God's grace, Miss Fi has not had to deal with the level of health issues or disfigurement that we were made to expect, those three years ago.

and I am so glad they have each other.
so glad they are both here, part of our family.

 Happy Birthdays, Darlings.

Life is good.

What a precious story.

It reminds me to remember not to let the judgements of the world, by worldly standards, to affect how we feel about the path that God has us on. It's part of that getting over letting other people's opinions dictate what I do with my life...

and I am grateful that this young lady is out there, sharing her story, and reminding the world that

their standards are not our standards.

The Critter Catcher

Now that he is no longer the Sole boy in the family, it might be time to change The Boy's online persona. Afterall, the title Big Boy just really doesn't say much about him...in fact, for my barrel chested recipient of every Irish gene in the family, it might be down right inaccurate....Miss Fi is well on her way to catching up to her 3 years older brother in the height department....

Did I share about the mouse incident? the week or so before the Captain arrived?

Suffice it to say, Mama was up on the furniture pleading for help, and The Boy had a bedroom full of hand caught snakes ...the original plan was to catch the mouse to feed the snakes ( is it just me...or do you have the tune of the Old Lady who swallowd a fly stuck in your head now..?)....but in the end, the cutenes and compassion won out, and the boy was pleading for the pests life when I was pleading with the cat to "sic hi, sic him boy"

Then the day the Little Captain arrived....the boy caught a mole. And it wasn't "with my bare hands Mom??!" It as with gloves on.....


HOW ?

This morning he finished up his chores by helping another chick to hatch. He's lucky he didn't get another peck to the kisser *

I think he is really trying very hard to get someone to imprint on him...so he could talk me into letting a chicken sleep in the house.

Sweet Seahorse

You're sitting up, draped over my hand...sleeping so peacefully. This peace is so dear to my heart, having watched you seem so anxious and pained your first weeks.

You have been here for four whole weeks now,but I feel as though I am just getting to know you. You were shut off from us, closed into yourself. I've been told that all newborns are just like that at birth,but I've been through this a few times now,and Mama knew there was something different.

That sense of knowing brought us to the discovery of your broken arm,and it helped us to make sense of that sense that you weren't all the way here with us, even though your sweet little body was. You must have shut yourself up inside somewhere, as a way to deal with the pain. It must have been terrible, sweet Boy.

Mama is so, so sorry for that.

I just can't imagine,what that felt like for you- Being rushed out into this world, with intense pain. What a frightful way to begin your earthly life.

So someday, when you decide to smile at us Little Boy it will mean a little bit more. Just as it does when we watch you raise your hand up by your head.

It is such a typical newborn pose,with little fists posed on either side of that downy, little head.....but to us.....to us it feels like we should take a picture every single time.

See, they told us that you might never be able to do that; that the whole process that got you here might have hurt your little body so badly it might never work, despite how perfectly God had formed you inside of me.

And we were okay with that, if that was the plan that would bring glory to our God.

Because we know that he is great. We know that a tiny boy's paralyzed,broken arm is no problem for him.

And fellow, he has decided to show his glory by healing you. Of course, there are still milestones to go, x-rays and MRIs to be had, but darling boy,

Mama can see now.

I can see that the precious gift of knowing how dear you are to God, that in all the world, he knew you and your little arm, and ...

He took the time to make you part of his big, glorious plan......that is so much more, so much greater than the hurt you had to go through to make it possible.

Thank you Baby. Mama needed this lesson too. Sometimes the pain is is a neccessary part of getting to the beauty in God's great plans for us.

On sharing

So...yeah...clearly this isn't invite only.

I've decided that I should just take this as a lesson in being careful about what I share until I have a thicker skin.

Yet....yet.

I do want to share that first part of the story.

Because it does matter. Birth matters....like CJane said.

Our stories are a lot alike. Our birth histories.
 And God used her story to give me the courage to lean on him...wait on him....wait for an answer.

It just didn't turn out the way I thought it would.

And that's ok.

Everyone is right.
A breathing, beautiful baby....that is what really matters. That is what I really wanted out of this.

But it also doesn't mean that the anxiety I have, examining what happened, grieving the vision we had, and aching for what I thought could have been....isn't legitimate.

If nothing else, I believe this whole things has made me less judgemental.

See, I remember when I passed judgement about people who have made the same kind of decision that we did.

What I didn't realize is that there might have been all sorts of history, all sorts of back story, that made their choice not just more romantic....but more safe.

While we will never personally know the outcome ( this is the way of socialized medicine), there has been an inquest made into how and why my baby's arm was snapped in half at birth. Such an unusual birth injury...that they counseled us for a genetic disorder causing brittle bones.

So.....I the funny thing is, that people judged me over, I know I was right. My baby really was safer being born at home. Should that be the case? Absolutely not.

But maybe instead of jumping on others for decisions that we see as reckless, we should examine what would lead a person to such a thing. Acknowledge it...and fix it.

So for now, the moral of this story is that maybe we had to walk through what we did to ensure that births in military hospitals ( America's socialized medicine) will be safer for moms and babies.

And the moral of this story is that everything we ever do or say will be judged by someone...and that shouldn't make us afraid to share...because maybe sharing, like Cjane did, is what will help them realize that the real problem isn't that which they are judging, but the system that brought a person to that point.*

So someday...when I have the skin, I will share that part of the story. I will share the why and the how behind it all, and maybe....maybe it will inspire someone like I was inspired; to follow your intuition, the leading of the Holy Spirit.