pause this story ( yes, there is still more), to bring a sad, sad update from the MicroFarm.
This morning, a neighbors dastardly dachshund burrowed beneath a fence, in glacier soil, through stone fortifications devised by the Mister....and created an absolute massacre.
Of the 23 SoulFull hens...there are 4 left.
That little dog worked fast.
The sad part is, we only clipped their wings so that they wouldn't inadvertently end up over that fence where he and his cohorts could get them; it happened to one of our dear Barred Rocks after that family first moved here.
Thanks to the ordeal with Miss Fi, the Mister is not particularly fond of dogs to say the least. It took all of his considerable self-control not to exercise his "right to farm" rights on that little dog.
The Boy is rather upset. He was chief overseer of the chickens, as well as chief "petter". He is the reason our hens act more like cats*. Everyday, we could watch him tend the chores and stoop to hold and stroke this hen or that. He witnessed his Dad's restraint. A good lesson out of this if nothing else I suppose; it illustrated self-control as a fruit of the Spirit very well.
So rest in peace dears. We will miss your antics and your eggs :(
* Before the tragedy, I was going to share an anecdote from yesterday. One which involved The Boy getting too friendly with a hen laying on a nest of chicks...and a well-aimed peck to the kisser. It has just been reported, much to his dismay, that the "mean little black chicken" is still alive and pecking. Good news though, it means her little ones are too.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Birth, part 3 God is gracious
It was like I was literally fighting with the flesh.
I was starting to cry, but one second it would be out of joy, and the next I would be fighting against it being from fear.
But the fear never took over, and I just kept waiting.
and thinking how grateful I was for this child.
And praising God for him.
And just like it happens in every melodramatic movie, we finally heard a sound.
It wasn't a cry at all, but a series of squeaks.
Mister SoulFull had to ask what the sound was at first.
But what a precious sound.
and as soon as I finally got to to see that little face, with those eyes big and open ( albeit very blood shot), we knew his name.
We had been planning for this child, male or female, to be named after other people.
One, an uncle, who is not really an uncle at all, but has lived next door to my husband's grandparents since the beginning of time...at least since before the beginning of the Mister's time. In fact, it was this uncle and his wife who were there to watch the Mister when his little brother was born....this Uncle was there waiting on Finch Street when Grandmama and Grandpapa SoulFull brought the Mister's dad home from the hospital....he has watched the children and grandchildren grow up, move away, come back...he even watched and cried and grieved when the Mister's mom died, even though she and Mister's dad had already been divorced for years. He was even there when we had to bring Miss Fi, our beautiful little girl so badly damaged, home from the hospital after her accident.
He loves our family. He never had one of his own, but he could ( and still can be) counted on to look out for ours, long before I was even part of the clan.He is so very shy, that when I first arrived, they had to talk him into coming over to the grandparents' house to meet me. Little old me. But he has welcomed me into the fold, and for a man so very shy, yet so very devoted to those he cares for, that feels like such a privilege.
And so we knew we wanted to honor this special uncle, whether the baby was a boy or girl.
But God had also placed something else on our hearts. A name that meant more to me for the ones who had carried it before, a certain "Beloved" most of all, than for what the name inherently meant.
But the moment this little boy was born.....
and even more the moment he actually breathed his first....
this name was no longer about simply naming him to honor other people...
Because it essentially means Grateful child of God.
The rest of the story
I was starting to cry, but one second it would be out of joy, and the next I would be fighting against it being from fear.
But the fear never took over, and I just kept waiting.
and thinking how grateful I was for this child.
And praising God for him.
And just like it happens in every melodramatic movie, we finally heard a sound.
It wasn't a cry at all, but a series of squeaks.
Mister SoulFull had to ask what the sound was at first.
But what a precious sound.
and as soon as I finally got to to see that little face, with those eyes big and open ( albeit very blood shot), we knew his name.
We had been planning for this child, male or female, to be named after other people.
One, an uncle, who is not really an uncle at all, but has lived next door to my husband's grandparents since the beginning of time...at least since before the beginning of the Mister's time. In fact, it was this uncle and his wife who were there to watch the Mister when his little brother was born....this Uncle was there waiting on Finch Street when Grandmama and Grandpapa SoulFull brought the Mister's dad home from the hospital....he has watched the children and grandchildren grow up, move away, come back...he even watched and cried and grieved when the Mister's mom died, even though she and Mister's dad had already been divorced for years. He was even there when we had to bring Miss Fi, our beautiful little girl so badly damaged, home from the hospital after her accident.
He loves our family. He never had one of his own, but he could ( and still can be) counted on to look out for ours, long before I was even part of the clan.He is so very shy, that when I first arrived, they had to talk him into coming over to the grandparents' house to meet me. Little old me. But he has welcomed me into the fold, and for a man so very shy, yet so very devoted to those he cares for, that feels like such a privilege.
And so we knew we wanted to honor this special uncle, whether the baby was a boy or girl.
But God had also placed something else on our hearts. A name that meant more to me for the ones who had carried it before, a certain "Beloved" most of all, than for what the name inherently meant.
But the moment this little boy was born.....
and even more the moment he actually breathed his first....
this name was no longer about simply naming him to honor other people...
Because it essentially means Grateful child of God.
The rest of the story
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Birth,part2
The further we get away from the delivery room, the easier it is to question the perfection of those moments, in all their chaos.
Because just like the disciples that struggled to believe at times, with our Savior tangible before them, our faith is imperfect.
It's humbling to be confronted with that.
The first part of this story seems so rushed. I suppose it was.
That initial need to spill your story forth, before you process it...in order to process it.
Certainly though, the moments didn't feel rushed...at least not until the point when we saw that meconium, then more so when we saw baby's heart rate( and intermittent lack thereof) on the monitors.
The peace that surpasses all understanding.
Watching my very quiet baby's arm flop again and again to that table.
It was my out of body experience.
Between the epidural, which had me numb to my shoulders, and the oxygen being pumped in the mask, I felt barely present.
But I could see ( a limited view) of what was going on, and I had a vague recognition that it wasn't normal and it wasn't good.
The peaceful homebirth we had been envisioning, suddenly included an entire team of pediatrics staff, forget everyone else already in the room.
YET...yet,there wasn't the disabling fear that I know comes, have experienced come, in a moment when you see your child slipping from here to there.
I had been there before.
When the Mister and I were preparing and discussing for this birth, the significance of two cups of blood came up.
Two cups of blood after birth should cause alarm. More blood loss than that can kill.
I mentioned that maybe we should use some food coloring and water, give us an idea of what that volume looks like on an absorbent pad.
The Mister said that he already had a very good idea of three cups of blood, and I assumed that this was from his medical training.
No, it turns out....after Miss Fi was hurt, the doctor estimated that there was three cups of blood just on Mister SoulFull.
After walking though the miracle of that night for the last 3 years.... I forgot how close we were. Like it was just a story, and maybe it really wasn't as bad as I had felt it was at the time.
Because even though I was incredibly aware of God's presence, even though I knew he had a plan....I was crying out to him because if the plan had included losing my girl, I was telling God he was going to have to hold me upright....because I knew he had this, but I certainly didn't.
I could trust in the magnificence of his plan, and still be mortally terrified of what it would mean to live through it.
My heart is so grieved...so genuinely grieved, thinking of the mothers, the people, who have had to experience these kinds of things without the blessed assurance of the perfect plans of God.
It takes my breath away.
.......and look at that, I am turning this into quite the saga.....
but I need to put it down, because even more than my need to process what happened, I need to let people know the details, the embarrassing bits and the parts that sound melodramatic, because I just cannot wrap my head around God's goodness.
I can't stand to think that My God was busy being so amazing and faithful, and that there might still have been people in that room that didn't believe.I've seen how the medical establishment tries to explain things away, but then I also realize that no one else in that room, save the Mister, understood the whole road that led to those moments.
At first, I worried that it may have sounded like I was taking the Lord's name in vain.
But I realized that by the end of their interaction with us, that whole staff must have known the difference.
When I give birth, I commune with God. It's the most intense prayer because I need him so desperately.
But this time.....this time it turned from being about my absolute desperate need, and it turned into absolute, desperate gratitude.
Part three
Because just like the disciples that struggled to believe at times, with our Savior tangible before them, our faith is imperfect.
It's humbling to be confronted with that.
The first part of this story seems so rushed. I suppose it was.
That initial need to spill your story forth, before you process it...in order to process it.
Certainly though, the moments didn't feel rushed...at least not until the point when we saw that meconium, then more so when we saw baby's heart rate( and intermittent lack thereof) on the monitors.
The peace that surpasses all understanding.
Watching my very quiet baby's arm flop again and again to that table.
It was my out of body experience.
Between the epidural, which had me numb to my shoulders, and the oxygen being pumped in the mask, I felt barely present.
But I could see ( a limited view) of what was going on, and I had a vague recognition that it wasn't normal and it wasn't good.
The peaceful homebirth we had been envisioning, suddenly included an entire team of pediatrics staff, forget everyone else already in the room.
YET...yet,there wasn't the disabling fear that I know comes, have experienced come, in a moment when you see your child slipping from here to there.
I had been there before.
When the Mister and I were preparing and discussing for this birth, the significance of two cups of blood came up.
Two cups of blood after birth should cause alarm. More blood loss than that can kill.
I mentioned that maybe we should use some food coloring and water, give us an idea of what that volume looks like on an absorbent pad.
The Mister said that he already had a very good idea of three cups of blood, and I assumed that this was from his medical training.
No, it turns out....after Miss Fi was hurt, the doctor estimated that there was three cups of blood just on Mister SoulFull.
After walking though the miracle of that night for the last 3 years.... I forgot how close we were. Like it was just a story, and maybe it really wasn't as bad as I had felt it was at the time.
Because even though I was incredibly aware of God's presence, even though I knew he had a plan....I was crying out to him because if the plan had included losing my girl, I was telling God he was going to have to hold me upright....because I knew he had this, but I certainly didn't.
I could trust in the magnificence of his plan, and still be mortally terrified of what it would mean to live through it.
My heart is so grieved...so genuinely grieved, thinking of the mothers, the people, who have had to experience these kinds of things without the blessed assurance of the perfect plans of God.
It takes my breath away.
.......and look at that, I am turning this into quite the saga.....
but I need to put it down, because even more than my need to process what happened, I need to let people know the details, the embarrassing bits and the parts that sound melodramatic, because I just cannot wrap my head around God's goodness.
I can't stand to think that My God was busy being so amazing and faithful, and that there might still have been people in that room that didn't believe.I've seen how the medical establishment tries to explain things away, but then I also realize that no one else in that room, save the Mister, understood the whole road that led to those moments.
At first, I worried that it may have sounded like I was taking the Lord's name in vain.
But I realized that by the end of their interaction with us, that whole staff must have known the difference.
When I give birth, I commune with God. It's the most intense prayer because I need him so desperately.
But this time.....this time it turned from being about my absolute desperate need, and it turned into absolute, desperate gratitude.
Part three
Monday, May 7, 2012
Four
I had resolved early on that I would be careful to make sure that each of my children would have the same amount of baby photos, keepsakes, baby books, and so forth as our first child has. I had always heard and observed that subsequent children just don't have the same number of pictures taken. I would even get defensive when people made such comments once Fi was born, and I went out of my way to make sure that she did indeed have at least as many pictures taken.
For I had assumed, maybe as those commenters had and maybe not, that less pictures came because the parents didn't value them as much. With a first baby everything is new and magical....and maybe with subsequent babies things are just taken for granted....?
Well, I can now definitively say that is not the reasoning.
I have not taken nearly as many pictures of our little Seahorse since he came home from the hospital, as I did of our other children.
and it is certainly not because I don't appreciate the absolute preciousness of these moments......
it's because I appreciate them more than ever.
Because with my first baby, everything was new and magical...
But now I know that even being the fourth baby doesn't make you any less new and magical
and now I know, from experience, just how fast time passes...how quickly these newborn faces change, and too-big socks become too small.....
so I am not taking as many pictures, because I am so busy trying to take those pictures with my eyes, my heart,my every fiber- that I can soak up as much of this preciousness as possible.
For I had assumed, maybe as those commenters had and maybe not, that less pictures came because the parents didn't value them as much. With a first baby everything is new and magical....and maybe with subsequent babies things are just taken for granted....?
Well, I can now definitively say that is not the reasoning.
I have not taken nearly as many pictures of our little Seahorse since he came home from the hospital, as I did of our other children.
and it is certainly not because I don't appreciate the absolute preciousness of these moments......
it's because I appreciate them more than ever.
Because with my first baby, everything was new and magical...
But now I know that even being the fourth baby doesn't make you any less new and magical
and now I know, from experience, just how fast time passes...how quickly these newborn faces change, and too-big socks become too small.....
so I am not taking as many pictures, because I am so busy trying to take those pictures with my eyes, my heart,my every fiber- that I can soak up as much of this preciousness as possible.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Captain Seahorse has arrived !
The Little captain made his debut at 8:13 pm May 2nd.
We had been convicted that we should just follow God's birth plan, and that the Holy Spirit would make it obvious which path we were supposed to take. So, we were physically prepared for multiple options, but emotionally, we realize we were set on a home birth. Funny how we can get a specific idea of what it will look like to trust in God :D
We already know God is good,but preserving our little boy's life and health has been a beautiful reminder of his faithfulness. I look forward to sharing the story of this birth.
 |
| Captain I.M SoulFull 7.7 lbs, 20 inches |
We had been convicted that we should just follow God's birth plan, and that the Holy Spirit would make it obvious which path we were supposed to take. So, we were physically prepared for multiple options, but emotionally, we realize we were set on a home birth. Funny how we can get a specific idea of what it will look like to trust in God :D
We already know God is good,but preserving our little boy's life and health has been a beautiful reminder of his faithfulness. I look forward to sharing the story of this birth.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
It's the Final Countdown
So....I have a certain bad 80's song stuck in my head. It makes me think of the Mister when we were in high school. He, inexplicably, picked this song for an interlude on a show we were working on. Now 12 years later, I can't hear the words "final countdown" without the riff playing through my head.
Tomorrow begins the 38th week of my pregnancy. The little SoulFulls were all born this week. 38 and 2 days, 38 even, and 38 and one 1 day, in order.
So it might just be because of that, but I feel the "birth aura" lingering about. Like I have just days to go- I'm walking through the last moments of life before an epic change...like in the days leading up to our wedding...where I thought nothing would change, and yet knew everything would change, all at the same time.
I am trying to wrap my head around mothering four children. The practical aspects of it. The feeling of a newborn wrapped close to my chest, yet again, while I handle the daily chores, joys, and woes of mothering the three little darlings I have.
I think of each of them, and how they were so close and yet so intangible as every pregnancy neared its end...and yet within days of birth, I would marvel how it already felt like he/she had been part of our family forever. Like I already couldn't remember what life was like before this little person was a constant part.
With all the Lord has worked with me on, this little soul, our Captain Seahorse, has been something I couldn't imagine going without. I have a post in my drafts, something I wrote a year and half or more ago, about this imaginary little person. A person I was struggling over, because I didn't want bitterness, or to manipulate my husband into something...I just wanted to be content with what God had given me...and to stop feeling so attached to this person that didn't exist.
And God made me content.
And then he blessed us.
And here we are. Whether I am right or not, the time until there are 6 SoulFulls is very limited. I have that fourth carseat in the car now....trying to help me wrap my mind around my upcoming reality.
I am nervous. I am excited. I have this electric-like current of gratitude flowing through my body that my Lord saw fit to allow me, who fails so often, to mother another little soul.
This week I gave myself a self-proclaimed pajamas week ( I cancelled all appointments and never left the house...it was much needed)... I am rather cat-like in my pregnancies; towards the end I look for a dim, solitary place, where I don't have to see anyone or talk to anyone, but can just focus on the task at hand.
But then while the fellows were arriving to help Mister with some farm work ( they built a beautiful new gate to the farm yard), one of my dear friends showed up to whisk me away. She even brought my mother along, who was here unexpectedly.
They truly surprised me. It was small and intimate, and it was my very first baby shower. My dear friend decorated everything with little seahorse pictures, and another friend made a seahorse cake. It was darling. I felt so loved, hat they cared so much that I had a baby shower, and that they cared so much to go to such lengths to surprise me.
I am so grateful for my family and for the friends God has put in my life. I had so many lonely, lonely years. My best friend in the world was often deployed to a far away country, or otherwise inaccessible because of the military....and I just wasn't good at making friends. Especially once e moved back to the states.
During my last pregnancy ( this is so pathetic) my poor midwife WAS my only friend. At the end, I gave her a gift...it felt like she deserved a bonus for being not only my caregiver but my only confidant. Try to get that in the mainstream health system :D
In the last year and a half, God has provided so much. A church family I was hungering for. Ladies fellowship I was hungering for....and it all culminates with this precious little one that I was trying so hard not to hunger for.
Looking so forward to posting a birth announcement here in the very near future ;)
Tomorrow begins the 38th week of my pregnancy. The little SoulFulls were all born this week. 38 and 2 days, 38 even, and 38 and one 1 day, in order.
So it might just be because of that, but I feel the "birth aura" lingering about. Like I have just days to go- I'm walking through the last moments of life before an epic change...like in the days leading up to our wedding...where I thought nothing would change, and yet knew everything would change, all at the same time.
I am trying to wrap my head around mothering four children. The practical aspects of it. The feeling of a newborn wrapped close to my chest, yet again, while I handle the daily chores, joys, and woes of mothering the three little darlings I have.
I think of each of them, and how they were so close and yet so intangible as every pregnancy neared its end...and yet within days of birth, I would marvel how it already felt like he/she had been part of our family forever. Like I already couldn't remember what life was like before this little person was a constant part.
With all the Lord has worked with me on, this little soul, our Captain Seahorse, has been something I couldn't imagine going without. I have a post in my drafts, something I wrote a year and half or more ago, about this imaginary little person. A person I was struggling over, because I didn't want bitterness, or to manipulate my husband into something...I just wanted to be content with what God had given me...and to stop feeling so attached to this person that didn't exist.
And God made me content.
And then he blessed us.
And here we are. Whether I am right or not, the time until there are 6 SoulFulls is very limited. I have that fourth carseat in the car now....trying to help me wrap my mind around my upcoming reality.
I am nervous. I am excited. I have this electric-like current of gratitude flowing through my body that my Lord saw fit to allow me, who fails so often, to mother another little soul.
This week I gave myself a self-proclaimed pajamas week ( I cancelled all appointments and never left the house...it was much needed)... I am rather cat-like in my pregnancies; towards the end I look for a dim, solitary place, where I don't have to see anyone or talk to anyone, but can just focus on the task at hand.
But then while the fellows were arriving to help Mister with some farm work ( they built a beautiful new gate to the farm yard), one of my dear friends showed up to whisk me away. She even brought my mother along, who was here unexpectedly.
They truly surprised me. It was small and intimate, and it was my very first baby shower. My dear friend decorated everything with little seahorse pictures, and another friend made a seahorse cake. It was darling. I felt so loved, hat they cared so much that I had a baby shower, and that they cared so much to go to such lengths to surprise me.
I am so grateful for my family and for the friends God has put in my life. I had so many lonely, lonely years. My best friend in the world was often deployed to a far away country, or otherwise inaccessible because of the military....and I just wasn't good at making friends. Especially once e moved back to the states.
During my last pregnancy ( this is so pathetic) my poor midwife WAS my only friend. At the end, I gave her a gift...it felt like she deserved a bonus for being not only my caregiver but my only confidant. Try to get that in the mainstream health system :D
In the last year and a half, God has provided so much. A church family I was hungering for. Ladies fellowship I was hungering for....and it all culminates with this precious little one that I was trying so hard not to hunger for.
Looking so forward to posting a birth announcement here in the very near future ;)
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Mother's Day Cloth Diaper Giveaway !
Mother's Day is almost here and we are celebrating
with our love for cloth diapers!
Welcome to the Mother's Day Cloth Diaper Giveaway Hop hosted by Daily Mothering! Nearly 100 blogs have linked up to bring you dozens and dozens of exciting cloth diaper giveaways. Enter my giveaway below and then hop to the other blogs listed at the bottom of this post to enter their fluffy giveaways too! Each blog has a cloth diaper prize valued at $15 or more, and many blogs have prize packs worth over $100. And, don't forget to enter the GRAND PRIZE giveaway at Daily Mothering for your chance to win this amazing $1300 Cloth Diaper Prize Pack! 
In celebration of becoming a Mama x 4 just in time for Mother's Day, I am participating in the Daily Mothering Cloth Diaper Giveaway Hop!
Up for grabs is an itti bitti d'lish All in One Limited Edition print
size medium ( R.V. $19)!
Eton Print Galaxy Print
These are so soft and so adorable ! I am planning on using one of these to do some "newborn in a diaper" pictures once the Wee Captain Seahorse arrives ;)
In my opinion, they are definitely suited to those warm summer days coming up; baby can relax in just a t-shirt and diaper... Stay cool and show off that cute fluff ! You have the choice of one of those cute prints above, all you have to do is comment !
Tell me about why you did or want to start cloth diapering :) Was it about costs? Health? the Environment? or just all of the crazy, fluffy cuteness ?
For me, it started with costs. I was a young, broke Mama, and I was trying to figure out how to stretch my Honey's paycheck. I didn't think I could afford to use any of the new, exciting cloth diapers out there. However, I soon realized that with some good bargain hunting, I could do just that- making cloth diapering not only cheap, but easy.
As I added children to the family and our finances stabilized, I also learned more about my own values ( amazing how that happens when just making end's meet doesn't consume all of your energy...) and cloth diapering became more of a conviction. I value my children's health and getting back to the way that God intended the world to be, without manufactured chemicals and trash adorning our bodies.
At the end of the giveaway, one comment will be randomly picked, through the super high-tech method of "number in a hat." :) Maybe I can turn it into a little bit of homeschooling incentive and see which child will get to do the honors :D The winner will be announced and contacted for a shipping address ASAP :)
* This giveaway is self-sponsored...these are just too cute not to share, and I love getting other people on board the cloth diaper choo-choo train :)
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