Just as I was finally able to fully embrace homeschooling, I found myself pregnant with our 4th baby. This baby is such an incredible blessing, because my husband never really wanted to have the third that came before this one.It isn't that he doesn't love the BumbleTot madly; it's just that she happened out of the blue, and he went along with it ( turns out she is his little girl doppelganger).
I grew up wanting a house full of children. My dad still likes to tease me hat when I was ten years old, I said I wanted 12; what he doesn't realize is that I still would. I think it was something about the larger than average families that I saw; from the outside, I saw so much love, so much compassion, and so much companionship between the people in those families. even as a child, I wanted whatever that was. Now I realize that it was Christ, not a house full of children. However, by the time Mr. SoulFull and I were married, I was down to six as an acceptable number. he married me knowing how much I wanted and loved children. I don't think he gave it much thought,but he feels the pressure of caring for a family now. God and I spent a lot of time talking about content hearts and respecting the authority of our husband's.
Fast forward, the week that my long-awaited student teaching begins....I find out that I am pregnant. BUT even more unexpected and wonderful....my husband's response isn't "oh no" but "Praise God, I have been praying for this." Little did I know that while God was working on me to have a content heart, he was working on my husband's attitude towards children. Praise God.
That said, we are still dealing with our extended family's/the world's attitudes toward children, and while I know I shouldn't, I feel the need to constantly justify our "decision" to have this baby. It doesn't help that this is the first pregnancy where I have been anything but perfectly healthy (save extreme all day sickness with Boy and BumbleTot). I am afraid to take it easy, I am afraid to ask for help, because I feel that if I acknowledge that this pregnancy is hard on me, it will be like acknowledging that they are all right- I have no business having a fourth baby ( or any subsequent babies I would love to be blessed with).
So instead, just as I am able to jump fully into homeschooling, I feel like a homeschooling failure pretty much every day. As hard as I try, I cannot get up early enough to be as prepared for the day as I would like,and I end up falling asleep during their rest time instead of getting my own work done.
While I was a the public school, albeit one filled with small town community and Christian teachers, God deepened my convictions that it is not the place for my children to be and not the place that can provide the education that they need- even by their own standards. Yet, I find myself still slipping into their paradigms. Still thinking that I have to do things their way in order for it to be good enough. I am so grateful for the blog posts shared by women like Kimberley @ Raising Olives for the reminder that that my homeschooling doesn't need to look like public school in the house. They will be okay...more than okay; they are learning about living by faith and by the only opinion that matters at all- God's. I wish someone had taught me that lesson so early in life.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The Spring Plan
As with everything else here on the MicroFarm, the actual farming has taken aback seat in the last few months to....simply getting by. However, now it is time to jump back in and get this land producing.Here are my MicroFarming BIG plans:
· Goats: With an all-time high of 7 goats, we are now down to just two...one of whom couldn't even help us with baby goats even if he wanted to. The big plan is that we would like to edge our way back into dairy, with a foray into meat production also. I am hoping to add a male Nigerian and a female Kiko. The idea is that a male Nigerian wouldn't be as difficult to handle as a full-sized buck and would work well with Miss Mermaid (our sole doe for the moment) for producing cute little, sale kids and milk. The Kiko female could also (hopefully) be bred by the Nigerian fellow to produce a meat flock. Granted the kids would be smaller than if they were full-blood Kiko, but I think the greater manageability of Papa goat would be worth it in the meat department. To do this, we need to get a post-hole digger (lovely, rocky glacier-land soil.....) and finish up that buck pen.
· The Poultry front: We currently have 12 laying hens, having lost an Ameraucana somehow in the last month or so, and one accidental rooster. It's a mixed flock, and they are amazing layers. One of Mr. SoulFull's co-workers has to move, and we will be inheriting 12 more chickens, along with 2 turkeys, and 2 ducks; to sweeten it further, we are also gaining the extra nesting boxes. I am extremely thrilled about the ducks, nervous about the neurosis of turkeys, and delighted to have the chickens. The ones we have are such good girls, so happy to do their job with little in return.
· Rabbits: We are scaling back on the rabbits. I feel like we got in over our head with breeding, since they do reproduce like rabbits, after all. We gave almost all of our breeding stock to a family from church that it is trying to get into rabbits. We kept our New Zealand/California X doe and our New Zealand/Giant/Champagne D'argent Buck. I haven't done any breeding since before the school year started, having known that things would be crazy (I didn't anticipate exactly how crazy....). I think that once we have the fencing managed for the rest of the critters, we will breed once again. I am looking forward to having a freezer full of non-grocery store meat again.
· Gardening.....
Oh goodness. This has been the biggest point of frustration and disappointment in our farming experiment. This year I think we will scrap the aquaponics, for the most part. It has been a constant struggle to keep the main tank from filling, then leaking, and draining the pond, as the result of some malfunction or another. On top of that, whatever does grow BumbleTot picks before it is ripe. So this year, the big plan is that I am going to try lettuces and Kale in one of our front, decorative-type beds. The raised bed will get the peas and other veggies that I have been researching for our area. I am also going to try to do some nasturtiums in there too, because they aren't just pretty and edible, but apparently, they can protect some of the veggies during growth too. The tomatoes shall remain where they have been, in patio planters, and finally, I hope to continue slowly working on turning the apple trees on the property back into fruit trees, as opposed to shade trees. * An update since I started this post is that Mister actually stopped into the Organic, Local Seed Company in town. They sell seed heirloom seed packs based on what grows well around here. It sounds like a great idea, and they sound very helpful and friendly, but I am still nervous to attempt anything but very easy to grow plants....as I am so prone to killing them. It could, however, also mean a business opportunity for the The Boy, since the man is very interested in worm castings and tea, and Big Boy wants to get his worm farm up and running again. Either way, another late snow (today, March 1st) has bought me a little more time to deal with planning this out :)
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
My babywearing history & Baby K'Tan Giveaway @ A Nation of Moms !
I actually started my baby wearing journey back in the 1990's, when my younger sister was born. For years, I had hoped for baby in the family, and just when I had given up, my youngest sister arrived. I was 14, and she was my joy. My mom had been given both a Snuggli and a generic pouch-type sling. I had seen the Snuggli in action and was excited to try it out, but I realized it wasn't nearly as comfortable, for me or baby, as it looked like it would be. Even as a big sister, there felt like something intrinsically wrong about wearing a baby like a piece of luggage.
The sling on the other hand, I hand never seen, and we ( my mom, middle sister, and I) were fascinated bu confused. We tried it out but something just didn't quite seem right, so the Snuggli it was. While it wasn't a horrible alternative, it seemed like there just HAD to be something better.
In 2003, when the The Boy arrived, I was given a Snuggli, and I had to admit that the design was an improvement, but I was still on the hunt for something better. I remembered that plain flannel sling- not even knowing what to call it, and I started researching. I was 19 years old, I had no mommy friends, and no one to talk to that had given birth in the last three decades. I had only ever seen a Snuggli in use. I couldn't just ask someone. So the hunt began, not even being sure which search terms to use.
It led me to a ring sling, by a company that no longer manufactures them. During my hunt, I discovered that the sling I had first encountered was, first of all, called a sling, and second of all a pouch.pocket style. I also realized that the problem has been the fit. Who would have thought? A piece of baby equipment actually sized to the person wearing it. By the time I made my big discovery, Big Boy was already sitting up and the ring sling worked great. While I had no babywearing mentors, everywhere I went, people wanted to know what that was, wear I got it, and " Gosh, they didn't have anything like that when I was raising babies."
The funny thing to me was that in all of my research, I had become pretty aware of the fact that babywearing was not a "new thing." Referring to babywearing in such a way started to seem nearly the same to me as hearing the older generation refer to breastfeeding like some new fad. I learned ( and knew in my own gut) that babywearing wasn't just about freeing up my hands with baby in tow, but about bonding. I had read that in orphanages, a baby can be given every necessary element for survival ( food, shelter, and cleanliness/health care) and still fail to thrive when it was left without human touch. I was convinced that despite what the older generation would tell me, we could not hold a baby too much, but in fact, science proved we could hold them too little.
When Miss Fi arrived on the scene, my only experience was with the ring sling, and I had obviously never used it with a newborn. Recalling just how much The Boy spit up as a newborn, I thought it might be very handy to have another sling around for wash times. this time I decided to venture out and get myself a pocket sling. I did all of this online, as we were living overseas at the time. Little did I know, I had already seen what has now become one of the most popular babywearing tools on the market in the inspirational stages. I suspect now that what I saw was a rebozo being used like a Moby wrap, and I was again incredibly fascinated ( especially since it was a German Daddy that I saw using it), but I had no idea where to find it and couldn't afford to shop for baby on the German economy anyhow.
So I went with a generic pocket sling, that I sized myself for the best that i could, and the minute i was home alone with two children for the first time, in she went. It was wonderful, and much less of a strain on my shoulder than the ring sling had been. in fact, I realized then just how much a strain that first sling really had been.
Now with all of our European adventures, I had started to appreciate the rigidity of the Snuggli, especially when carting around a toddler. I was also hoping for something that would fit Hubby and I both. I discovered the Ergo via Mama's Baby. It was wonderful ! Hubby, or I, could cart the toddler through busy train stations or mountain passes while hiking, and the other could take the tiny one in the pocket sling. Today, the Ergo is still my favorite carrier for the toddler stage. It works well with our active lifestyle, hiking and camping, but it is not so difficult to use around the house or out shopping. I enjoy that hubby and I can both use it ( with an extender strap for him), and that during the "pick me up, put me down" era of the toddler, it is not a hassle to just leave on for when it is needed.
I was still frustrated though, because why, oh why could I not find one sling that would work for all stages ?!?!? One go-to that I could suggest to others ?
By this time, I was starting to see more and more babywearing going on, especially among the Germans. By the time we arrived back in the States, babywearingPeanut shell, since I knew how well a pocket sling worked for me during the newborn stage. Sadly, I also new that after we got to the grabby hands, sitting up stage, the pocket sling just wouldn't hack it anymore- too easy for baby to lunge out for the counter/grocery cart/etc. unsafely. So then, I was tempted into a Moby wrap. This was like that amazing thing I had seen the German daddy wearing across the market square all of those years ago !
I was so excited to use it, and learning to tie it was even a bit of fun. Hubby never felt comfortable in it and wasn't really sure about getting it tied, but I adored the truly hands-free feeling of the wrap. It was an amazing blessing to bee able to safely carry my newborn while chasing a six and three year old. However, it was a bear to leave on when baby wasn't in it, and that was a downside for using it shopping and out and about, when I wanted to leave the sling on for being able to easily load and unload all of us easily and safely from the car. On my 5'2 frame, it was an awful lot of fabric to haul around, and one of my chief needs was something that I could leave on under my seat belt, so that running errands, I could get out, slide the baby in, then get the bigger kids out of the car ( no worries about someone standing patiently and safely by the car while you get the baby ready to go).
Once Bumbles hit the "pick me up, put me down" the Moby became more nuisance than help, and I was back to using the Ergo. I donated my pouch sling to someone with a newborn, new on the babywearing scene, and I hung up the Moby, waiting for someone interested.
Then Baby #4 announced his/herself, and it put me back on the hunt- still searching for something that would work beautifully at all stages. Now days, it is easy to find other babywearers, and many of them have tried out styles that I haven't even before, though I've been doing this since before I was old enough to vote. I came across the Baby K'Tan, and I wondered, just maybe...could this be it? What I have been searching for all of these years. It looks to have the security of the Snuggli, while offering the closeness + security of the Moby..all with the frugality of fabric of the Peanut Shell. I love the idea of baby gear made to fit the Mommy. It makes sense that if we are "wearing" something, it should fit us specifically. AND while I know that this means Hubby and I won't be able to share the sling, I also know that I am the one that is more often home to need the extra hands ;D
A Nation of Moms is sponsoring an amazing giveaway for a Baby K'Tan, and whether I win this one or not, I plan on finding a way to test one of these out with Baby #4....I can't wait to find out if this is really the carrier of my dreams....it looks like my decade long hunt might finally be over !
The sling on the other hand, I hand never seen, and we ( my mom, middle sister, and I) were fascinated bu confused. We tried it out but something just didn't quite seem right, so the Snuggli it was. While it wasn't a horrible alternative, it seemed like there just HAD to be something better.
In 2003, when the The Boy arrived, I was given a Snuggli, and I had to admit that the design was an improvement, but I was still on the hunt for something better. I remembered that plain flannel sling- not even knowing what to call it, and I started researching. I was 19 years old, I had no mommy friends, and no one to talk to that had given birth in the last three decades. I had only ever seen a Snuggli in use. I couldn't just ask someone. So the hunt began, not even being sure which search terms to use.
It led me to a ring sling, by a company that no longer manufactures them. During my hunt, I discovered that the sling I had first encountered was, first of all, called a sling, and second of all a pouch.pocket style. I also realized that the problem has been the fit. Who would have thought? A piece of baby equipment actually sized to the person wearing it. By the time I made my big discovery, Big Boy was already sitting up and the ring sling worked great. While I had no babywearing mentors, everywhere I went, people wanted to know what that was, wear I got it, and " Gosh, they didn't have anything like that when I was raising babies."
The funny thing to me was that in all of my research, I had become pretty aware of the fact that babywearing was not a "new thing." Referring to babywearing in such a way started to seem nearly the same to me as hearing the older generation refer to breastfeeding like some new fad. I learned ( and knew in my own gut) that babywearing wasn't just about freeing up my hands with baby in tow, but about bonding. I had read that in orphanages, a baby can be given every necessary element for survival ( food, shelter, and cleanliness/health care) and still fail to thrive when it was left without human touch. I was convinced that despite what the older generation would tell me, we could not hold a baby too much, but in fact, science proved we could hold them too little.
When Miss Fi arrived on the scene, my only experience was with the ring sling, and I had obviously never used it with a newborn. Recalling just how much The Boy spit up as a newborn, I thought it might be very handy to have another sling around for wash times. this time I decided to venture out and get myself a pocket sling. I did all of this online, as we were living overseas at the time. Little did I know, I had already seen what has now become one of the most popular babywearing tools on the market in the inspirational stages. I suspect now that what I saw was a rebozo being used like a Moby wrap, and I was again incredibly fascinated ( especially since it was a German Daddy that I saw using it), but I had no idea where to find it and couldn't afford to shop for baby on the German economy anyhow.
So I went with a generic pocket sling, that I sized myself for the best that i could, and the minute i was home alone with two children for the first time, in she went. It was wonderful, and much less of a strain on my shoulder than the ring sling had been. in fact, I realized then just how much a strain that first sling really had been.
Now with all of our European adventures, I had started to appreciate the rigidity of the Snuggli, especially when carting around a toddler. I was also hoping for something that would fit Hubby and I both. I discovered the Ergo via Mama's Baby. It was wonderful ! Hubby, or I, could cart the toddler through busy train stations or mountain passes while hiking, and the other could take the tiny one in the pocket sling. Today, the Ergo is still my favorite carrier for the toddler stage. It works well with our active lifestyle, hiking and camping, but it is not so difficult to use around the house or out shopping. I enjoy that hubby and I can both use it ( with an extender strap for him), and that during the "pick me up, put me down" era of the toddler, it is not a hassle to just leave on for when it is needed.
I was still frustrated though, because why, oh why could I not find one sling that would work for all stages ?!?!? One go-to that I could suggest to others ?
By this time, I was starting to see more and more babywearing going on, especially among the Germans. By the time we arrived back in the States, babywearingPeanut shell, since I knew how well a pocket sling worked for me during the newborn stage. Sadly, I also new that after we got to the grabby hands, sitting up stage, the pocket sling just wouldn't hack it anymore- too easy for baby to lunge out for the counter/grocery cart/etc. unsafely. So then, I was tempted into a Moby wrap. This was like that amazing thing I had seen the German daddy wearing across the market square all of those years ago !
I was so excited to use it, and learning to tie it was even a bit of fun. Hubby never felt comfortable in it and wasn't really sure about getting it tied, but I adored the truly hands-free feeling of the wrap. It was an amazing blessing to bee able to safely carry my newborn while chasing a six and three year old. However, it was a bear to leave on when baby wasn't in it, and that was a downside for using it shopping and out and about, when I wanted to leave the sling on for being able to easily load and unload all of us easily and safely from the car. On my 5'2 frame, it was an awful lot of fabric to haul around, and one of my chief needs was something that I could leave on under my seat belt, so that running errands, I could get out, slide the baby in, then get the bigger kids out of the car ( no worries about someone standing patiently and safely by the car while you get the baby ready to go).
Once Bumbles hit the "pick me up, put me down" the Moby became more nuisance than help, and I was back to using the Ergo. I donated my pouch sling to someone with a newborn, new on the babywearing scene, and I hung up the Moby, waiting for someone interested.
Then Baby #4 announced his/herself, and it put me back on the hunt- still searching for something that would work beautifully at all stages. Now days, it is easy to find other babywearers, and many of them have tried out styles that I haven't even before, though I've been doing this since before I was old enough to vote. I came across the Baby K'Tan, and I wondered, just maybe...could this be it? What I have been searching for all of these years. It looks to have the security of the Snuggli, while offering the closeness + security of the Moby..all with the frugality of fabric of the Peanut Shell. I love the idea of baby gear made to fit the Mommy. It makes sense that if we are "wearing" something, it should fit us specifically. AND while I know that this means Hubby and I won't be able to share the sling, I also know that I am the one that is more often home to need the extra hands ;D
A Nation of Moms is sponsoring an amazing giveaway for a Baby K'Tan, and whether I win this one or not, I plan on finding a way to test one of these out with Baby #4....I can't wait to find out if this is really the carrier of my dreams....it looks like my decade long hunt might finally be over !
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Humility
 |
| Our little Seahorse*: 27 weeks, 5 days |
It's my turn to realize that my own good health was not my own doing. No matter how healthy I eat, or how much I exercise, it is not my own doing.
My ultrasound today revealed that my intuition was right. This baby is BIG. I know that ultrasounds are infamous for overestimating babies' sizes, but with all three of my children, they actually underestimated their sizes, grossly in Miss Fi's case. The day she was born, at 38 weeks even, we were told that she was a 33 weeker by her ultrasound....she was 1 ounce shy of 7 lbs just two hours later :D
So I realize that the ultrasound is probably off in one direction or another, but I have never personally had an ultrasound read like this. Apparently, this baby is measuring about a month ahead. Regardless of birth control implications, that is a totally different issue to me, I am a big believer in fertility awareness. as a woman, I believe it is part of being a good steward of the body that God gave me, and it has had the added benefit of helping me to understand my pregnancies better. I *knew* the date I ovulated, regardless of my cycle, and when I had a cyst burst at wks, the ultrasound confirmed what I already knew. So no, I couldn't be farther along in the pregnancy than I think.
I am very out of my element. Apparently, on top of the kidney pain, I have been spilling protein in my urine, and it was the doctor today that caught it. At my last midwives appointment, my labs were deemed fine. I am guessing they weren't even really looked at since my blood pressure seemed better.
They have scheduled twice a week bio physical profiles starting at the end of next month. I am not sure if it is an over reaction or a genuine precaution. I have always been so healthy, and credited it to my healthy lifestyle, that I feel so out of my element. I am faithful that baby is just fine, and that I am just fine, but as far as how to proceed with the medical community, I have no idea. I am just realizing that my good health, no matter how I took care of myself and my family, was always God's doing, and the protection he has placed over this baby throughout this pregnancy has been doing as well- I should have been giving him credit.
* Mr. SoulFull has ended up finding out the gender of every baby, mostly because he was often deployed during pregnancies and liked having something special to focus and pray on. As a way of keeping it a secret, he would give them funny nicknames, to avoid calling them he or she. He decided to keep up the tradition this time, though we are holding out on learning the gender. the kids and I saw a pot-bellied seahorse at the zoo a few weeks ago and so this nickname seems rather fitting considering baby's measurements :D We've had Wiggle, Spiderman, and Dragon baby in the past :D
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Sweet, little baby face
This is the shot of Baby Soulfull we got at the beginning of January. I am supposed to go in again this morning. They had scheduled a growth scan to make sure baby is staying on track, despite the blood pressure problems I had been having earlier. I am not one to believe in unnecessary ultrasounds, just to sate that curiosity, but I am so excited to get to spy on little one. I am hoping that this ultrasound will further confirm my intuition about this baby...I actually think this little one is a beefcake compared to my others ;D4th time around, oh so different.
So much with this pregnancy has been so very different from my other pregnancies. I have always loved being pregnant. I have always had a hard time feeling compassion for women that moan and complain constantly while pregnant- after all, I know so many women that would love to have swollen ankles and achy backs, if only it could mean that they would have a sweet, little baby at the end of 9 months. While that may be a noble sentiment, I am also realizing that uncomfortable pregnant women deserve compassion just as infertile women do; while my heart breaks for one, and I tend to be frustrated by the other, it is not my place to decide which pain is great, and therefore more "deserving" of compassion. i should be compassionate to all. Of course, this doesn't just apply to pregnancy woes, instead, it is helping to remember not ever to judge someone else's situation and deem it unworthy of sympathy.
That said, I can't help but feel like I've been saddled with my own dose of pregnancy discomfort as a means of teaching me this lesson. I have a history of "sensitive kidneys". I am quickly prone to kidney infection and tend to have higher blood pressure in the first half of pregnancy, despite exercise and the Brewer's pregnancy diet. Those things certainly help, but the most important thing seems to be a careful regimen of cranberry pills and hydration. Both of those things are difficult when a big pregnant tummy is already pressing on you causing constant heartburn. I tend to be, as many of us are, more vigilant about my health when someone else is depending directly on it, and so I have managed to avoid infections during pregnancy.
Last week, I started having severe all day sickness again, but suspecting that this baby just might be a boy, I didn't think too much of it ( other than ugghhhhh...) since I had experienced all of these things with my one and only boy. After keeping nothing done for days, on Thursday I started feeling a distinct kidney ache, on both sides, and through the night it became a distinct throb in the right side. Thinking that I had ended up with a sneaky infection,I headed to the doctor Friday. I feel like I wasted my entire day.
When my urine sample came back clear, I was told it was just "back pain", discomfort because of a fourth pregnancy. The thing is, I have a whole medical file that shows I know what kidney pain is. I feel like the disimissiveness comes because the military hospital deals with so many women who come in for every little things- because when health care is "free" one can be frivolous with it. Since the pain was more of an ache at this point, I let it go, came home ( in a crummy mood), decided to up my water, and Dr. Google it. Lo' and behold, what do I find, but that physiological swelling of the kidney during pregnancy ( hyronephrosis), particularly in the right kidney, is a fairly common issue in pregnancy- especially if you have problems draining your bladder ( which I have, ever since an unnecessary catheter during my first labor). I can't help but feel hurt that no one would listen to what I was saying, but I feel uplifted by God to yet again see my instincts confirmed. The pain is constant, but typically dull. The prognosis seems to be very good, so long as you avoid infection (so I am being very strict with my cranberry, water, and probiotics), but there seem to be mix opinions about whether any thing else is necessary. I see the midwives again on Friday and plan to tell them what I have been feeling, how it has gone since last Friday, and how I felt about being dismissed, considering my history ( and the obvious diagnosis). We shall see what comes.
One thing I know though, I will never again be as dismissive of anyone else's pregnancy discomforts. Now I know how it feels to have someone that you can't possibly be feeling what you say you are feeling.
That said, I can't help but feel like I've been saddled with my own dose of pregnancy discomfort as a means of teaching me this lesson. I have a history of "sensitive kidneys". I am quickly prone to kidney infection and tend to have higher blood pressure in the first half of pregnancy, despite exercise and the Brewer's pregnancy diet. Those things certainly help, but the most important thing seems to be a careful regimen of cranberry pills and hydration. Both of those things are difficult when a big pregnant tummy is already pressing on you causing constant heartburn. I tend to be, as many of us are, more vigilant about my health when someone else is depending directly on it, and so I have managed to avoid infections during pregnancy.
Last week, I started having severe all day sickness again, but suspecting that this baby just might be a boy, I didn't think too much of it ( other than ugghhhhh...) since I had experienced all of these things with my one and only boy. After keeping nothing done for days, on Thursday I started feeling a distinct kidney ache, on both sides, and through the night it became a distinct throb in the right side. Thinking that I had ended up with a sneaky infection,I headed to the doctor Friday. I feel like I wasted my entire day.
When my urine sample came back clear, I was told it was just "back pain", discomfort because of a fourth pregnancy. The thing is, I have a whole medical file that shows I know what kidney pain is. I feel like the disimissiveness comes because the military hospital deals with so many women who come in for every little things- because when health care is "free" one can be frivolous with it. Since the pain was more of an ache at this point, I let it go, came home ( in a crummy mood), decided to up my water, and Dr. Google it. Lo' and behold, what do I find, but that physiological swelling of the kidney during pregnancy ( hyronephrosis), particularly in the right kidney, is a fairly common issue in pregnancy- especially if you have problems draining your bladder ( which I have, ever since an unnecessary catheter during my first labor). I can't help but feel hurt that no one would listen to what I was saying, but I feel uplifted by God to yet again see my instincts confirmed. The pain is constant, but typically dull. The prognosis seems to be very good, so long as you avoid infection (so I am being very strict with my cranberry, water, and probiotics), but there seem to be mix opinions about whether any thing else is necessary. I see the midwives again on Friday and plan to tell them what I have been feeling, how it has gone since last Friday, and how I felt about being dismissed, considering my history ( and the obvious diagnosis). We shall see what comes.
One thing I know though, I will never again be as dismissive of anyone else's pregnancy discomforts. Now I know how it feels to have someone that you can't possibly be feeling what you say you are feeling.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Long time, no write
In all honesty, I started neglecting the blog because I felt like journaling was a time luxury that I couldn't afford. After the whirlwind of this last year though, I feel that it is is something I cannot afford to neglect. The little SoulFulls are growing up so fast, and there is so much about it all that I want to remember. I want a place to write down the funny little things that they say and do, our learning triumphs and tribulations, and our increasing faith.
In watching our faith grow, it was also amazingly rewarded this year. I had previously written ( and possibly deleted...?) posts about how much I longed for more children, how I struggled with ugly bitterness because of it, and how I was trying to give it over to the Lord and accept that he would make me content, one way or the other. It was freeing. I stopped worrying about it and just embraced the idea that he would make me content- so long as I decided to be content with His will, and not what I thought his will should be.
Little did I know, he was working on my husband's heart too. As much as he loves his children, he certainly never longed for them. he went a long with each pregnancy and loved each baby, but he had no desire, whatesoever to have any more of them. I couldn't help but take it as a judgement against my mother. Maybe, just maybe, if I was a good enough wife and mother, well he might see having more children as more of a blessing, less of a burden, and actually want to welcome more of them into the family.
apparently, Mr. soulfull had been praying too, and while I was feeling contentedness take over, he was beginning to feel that longing- that appreciation for what it could mean to bring more life into this house and world.
Lo and behold, an almost medically impossible answer to prayer. I won't go into the details too much, but I had been struggling with some health issues that made this pregnancy quite a miracle. Despite this being my fourth, there have been so many surprises. It is making me realize that my first three pregnancies were much more alike than different.
The other big news is that I finally finished my degree, and while there are many lessons to be shared there, I will leave it right now to say that I am glad it is over. I am grateful to be home raising and schooling my own children with a new confidence and conviction.
Baby Soulfull is set to arrive May 17th.
In watching our faith grow, it was also amazingly rewarded this year. I had previously written ( and possibly deleted...?) posts about how much I longed for more children, how I struggled with ugly bitterness because of it, and how I was trying to give it over to the Lord and accept that he would make me content, one way or the other. It was freeing. I stopped worrying about it and just embraced the idea that he would make me content- so long as I decided to be content with His will, and not what I thought his will should be.
Little did I know, he was working on my husband's heart too. As much as he loves his children, he certainly never longed for them. he went a long with each pregnancy and loved each baby, but he had no desire, whatesoever to have any more of them. I couldn't help but take it as a judgement against my mother. Maybe, just maybe, if I was a good enough wife and mother, well he might see having more children as more of a blessing, less of a burden, and actually want to welcome more of them into the family.
apparently, Mr. soulfull had been praying too, and while I was feeling contentedness take over, he was beginning to feel that longing- that appreciation for what it could mean to bring more life into this house and world.
Lo and behold, an almost medically impossible answer to prayer. I won't go into the details too much, but I had been struggling with some health issues that made this pregnancy quite a miracle. Despite this being my fourth, there have been so many surprises. It is making me realize that my first three pregnancies were much more alike than different.
The other big news is that I finally finished my degree, and while there are many lessons to be shared there, I will leave it right now to say that I am glad it is over. I am grateful to be home raising and schooling my own children with a new confidence and conviction.
Baby Soulfull is set to arrive May 17th.
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